PUGFOUND SOME JOKES !

While Gordie the farm dog was sleeping I put contact lens in his eyes with a picture of a cat on them. When he wakes up that should drive him wacky, running around all over the place. Then I'll take one out so that he runs around in circles.

Do you think that back then when they asked George Washington for his id,
he just reached in his pocket and took out a Quarter?

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I remember the first word I ever said was Quote,my last when I die will be UnQuote.

I'd like to let my subconscious get to know my conscience,
so I know what exactly I'm thinking about.

What do you think Jesus did for Santa Clause on Santa's birthday?

I bought a ticket to the next Pulitzer Prize Fight.

In my spare time, I like to waste time.

I knew this girl that had eyes really close together, I use to call her AC,
almost Cyclopes.

I wonder what cell phones would look like if our mouth wasn't on our face
but rather on one of our knees and our ears on the other knee?

You know why it seems that everybody on Earth is nutso?
Consider this, the Earth is Bi-Polar.

I'm wondering how my life would be different if I was born one day earlier?
Probably the same but I would have asked that question one day ago.

I was in the hardware store asking the clerk if he sold lighter fluid by the case,
and if it was legal to make submarines out of Styrofoam?

In the movie rental shop the other day, I was trying to remember the title of a really cool movie I'd seen before, but couldn't remember the title and then I realized it wasn't a movie I saw but a dream I had.

I scheduled an MRI for myself because I wanted to see if I had Claustrophobia.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so I guess I'll stop practicing.

I bought a new cell phone, it's very advanced, you don't even need it. The first thing I did was press "Redial". The phone had a nervous breakdown.

Why are pictures square if the lens is round?

I have a CD burner, the fireplace.

Shouldn't more than one company make the board games "Monopoly"?

Why are some people so inconsiderate by pushing like ten shopping carts
in the parking lot? some other people might want to use one of those.


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