FUNNY JOKES!

You might be a redneck
if you think the last words to
"The Star-Spangled Banner" are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."

What's the last thing you usually
hear before a redneck dies?
"Hey, y'all ... Watch this!"

Things you'll never hear a redneck say:

The tires on that truck are too big.
I thought Graceland was tacky.
Duct tape won't fix that!
I don't like beer.
Honey,where's the corkscrew?

Good Question
Bob couldn't believe it
he'd made it to the last
round of his favorite game show.
"Congratulations, Bob," said the emcee.
"Answer correctly and you go home with
five million dollars!
"This is a two-part question
on American history," he continued.
"The second half of the question
is always easier.
Which part would you like first?"
Bob figured he'd play it safe.
"I think I'll try the
second part of the question first."
The emcee nodded approvingly,
"Okay, Bob, here is your question:
And in what year did it happen?"

Two nuns, a penguin, a man with
a parrot on his shoulder and
a giraffe walk into a bar.
The bartender says,
"What is this? Some kind of joke?"

Two dogs walk over to
a parking meter.
One said to the other,
"How do you like that?
Pay toilets."

Do you know about the two
TV antennas that got married?
The wedding was terrible,
but the reception was terrific.

Do you know what you get when
you play a country song backwards?
You get your job back,
you get your house back,
your wife back, your truck back ...

Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One cannibal turns to the other and asks,
"This taste funny to you?"

Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
Someone told him to get a long little doggy.

How do you keep a jackass in suspense?
I'll let you know tomorrow!

What did one cow say to the other?
"Got milk?"

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."